In my last blog post I pondered the question - what makes a perfect wedding? And, I believe my thoughts on the topic were fairly salient at the time. I had just returned from serving as officiant at a beautiful wedding near Houston - and was still caught up in the magic of it all. My thoughts and impressions of that particular event have not changed. It was beautiful, and perfect, and memorable. It was also heterosexual, and therefore legal in the state of Texas, and perfectly "normal." And, I was honored to be part of such a remarkably memorable event.
But, what about perfect love which is not allowed its time of perfect union? What about a vast segment of our earth's populace who are not allowed the same rights of marriage as others? What is it about love between two people of the same gender that so inflames our society?
Conservative religious folk would point to the Bible for their answer. I also point to the Bible and the teachings of Jesus on love, and ask the question - what bad can come from two mature adults who love each other, who desire the right to marry, the right to raise children, to have a family; who desire to channel love from the divine One - and be legally recognized as married when they do so?
Today, at midnight, New York officially legalized same sex marriage, becoming only the 6th state, out of 50, to legally recognize the right of same sex couples to wed. I read a great story today about the first couple to wed in that state, with the officiant pronouncing them "legally married" at the stroke of midnight, July 24, 2011.
Kitty Lambert and Cheryle Rudd married each other last night. (Hundreds more couples are being married today in NY as I write this.) And, by all accounts, it was the Perfect Wedding. There was a cake, music by Lady Gaga and dancing, friends and well-wishers, even strangers, showed up wanting to show their love and support of "love without boundaries" - all with rainbow-hued Niagara Falls as backdrop. I am sure it was beautiful, and made all the more meaningful because of the struggle that brought Kitty and Cheryle and hundreds more, to that place, on this day, for this purpose. Perfect!
I asked the question in blog #1 on this topic - what made the perfect wedding? I came to the conclusion then, as now, that it is the people. People.
The people who have fought for equality at the legislative and judicial levels for so many years now. The people who have supported the struggle through donations, letters to their Representatives, and words of encouragement to those on the front lines. The legislators in those 6 states who dared to vote "yea" instead of "nay" when the vote to legalize gay marriage was called on the floor. The brave ministers who have officiated at the marriages of gay couples, at their own personal and professional risk.
The people. Diverse people from all walks of life - young and old, gay and straight, tall and short, large and small. Yes, it is the people who make a wedding perfect - and it is Love.
People after all are vessels of love. We are the protectors and purveyors of love. I believe love is the source of all good, and flows from the Source of all Goodness. When we open ourselves - body, mind, spirit - to love from the Divine, we open ourselves up to the possibility of love, to the spreading of love in this world. And, my friends, this world sorely needs more love!
To be sure, there are a lot of people on this earth who do not know love and do not speak love; in fact they seem to thrive on just the opposite - the infamous religious family from Wichita Kansas springs readily to mind. But, they are not the majority. Despite the constant images and news stories in the mainstream media today, hate is not the overarching principle which guides humanity. It is love.
So, I applaud the State of New York, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, Massachusetts and Maine (and the city of San Francisco) for legalizing same sex marriage. I urge the 44 other states to follow suit. I congratulate the happy couples who are today beginning a new stage of their love relationship and commitment together, full of dreams and hopes and promises of a future together as wife and wife, husband and husband.
To quote a song - Love is indeed, a many-splendored thing. People and love. This is what makes a perfect wedding. I write in celebration of love today - in all its forms. May it always persevere. May it always win out over hate. May it always flourish.
The fight for marriage equality is far from over. Nay, it has only just begun. Six states have legalized it; forty-four states to go. How can you show your support for marriage equality today?
An occasional blog on various spiritual and religious topics, weddings, memorials, current events and diverse ponderings. Written by: Rev. Linda McWhorter
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
What Makes The Perfect Wedding?
What elements make the perfect wedding? Is it the music? The venue? The reception? The food? An open bar? The gown? The couple? Is it any of this? All of this? I spent several hours mulling over these questions on a long, four hour drive home from Houston to Dallas yesterday. Why? Because I served as the Officiant at a wedding in the Houston suburb of The Woodlands on Saturday evening, and the experience remained with me into the next day.
The Woodlands is a lush, green, tony suburb north of Houston. It is known for its golf courses and the sheer number of trees! This wedding was held at the very posh The Woodlands Resort and Conference Center. And, it was a very beautiful setting for a wedding. A large lagoon with three fountains, ducks, geese, herons, the lush, green golf course and surrounding woodlands all served as backdrop.
I have been friends with the parents of the bride and several other of their family members since high school. I knew the bride when she was a young lass at the tender age of 8; now she is 28, all grown up, and getting married! And, I had the honor of providing the officiant duties. Yes, it was my honor and privilege. I met the groom only the day before the wedding. However, I was instantly impressed with his maturity, his grace and his love for this beautiful young woman.
The wedding was beautiful. The gown was amazingly beautiful. The setting was serene and picture-perfect. The crowd was just small enough to still be called intimate, but large enough to add interest to every conversation. The groom was nervous, the Attendants were the perfect assistants and their presence made the ceremony go that much more smoothly. The parents of the bride and the groom were both tearful and joyous simultaneously. The three flower girls were cute as buttons in their matching lilac taffeta gowns, hand-sewn by the bride and her mother.
The food was delicious, and the wine and liquor flowed. The Reception was a blast! As the sun set, and the full moon rose high, we danced and visited and dined. And it was all good.
But, was all that, all those accouterments the reason for this wedding being a perfect wedding?
On that long drive home from Houston, up a mostly lonely stretch of Texas highway, I decided no. It was not the resort setting, or the gown (beautiful as it was), or the food, or the vows which made this wedding perfect. It was the people.
The people. Diverse people from points east and west of Houston; from as far away as Pacifica California, and Albany New York. People young and old, from different walks of life. People heterosexual and homosexual. Yes, it was the people who made this wedding perfect - and it was the Love.
People sharing their love. People feeling their love. People who might be reluctant to love a stranger at any other time, were sharing love. Love was felt, it was shared, it was lifted.
This is what makes a wedding perfect. People and love. I write in celebration of love today - in all its forms. May it always serve to lift and nurture. May it always allow people who are strangers to become friends. May it always be so.
The Woodlands is a lush, green, tony suburb north of Houston. It is known for its golf courses and the sheer number of trees! This wedding was held at the very posh The Woodlands Resort and Conference Center. And, it was a very beautiful setting for a wedding. A large lagoon with three fountains, ducks, geese, herons, the lush, green golf course and surrounding woodlands all served as backdrop.
I have been friends with the parents of the bride and several other of their family members since high school. I knew the bride when she was a young lass at the tender age of 8; now she is 28, all grown up, and getting married! And, I had the honor of providing the officiant duties. Yes, it was my honor and privilege. I met the groom only the day before the wedding. However, I was instantly impressed with his maturity, his grace and his love for this beautiful young woman.
The wedding was beautiful. The gown was amazingly beautiful. The setting was serene and picture-perfect. The crowd was just small enough to still be called intimate, but large enough to add interest to every conversation. The groom was nervous, the Attendants were the perfect assistants and their presence made the ceremony go that much more smoothly. The parents of the bride and the groom were both tearful and joyous simultaneously. The three flower girls were cute as buttons in their matching lilac taffeta gowns, hand-sewn by the bride and her mother.
The food was delicious, and the wine and liquor flowed. The Reception was a blast! As the sun set, and the full moon rose high, we danced and visited and dined. And it was all good.
But, was all that, all those accouterments the reason for this wedding being a perfect wedding?
On that long drive home from Houston, up a mostly lonely stretch of Texas highway, I decided no. It was not the resort setting, or the gown (beautiful as it was), or the food, or the vows which made this wedding perfect. It was the people.
The people. Diverse people from points east and west of Houston; from as far away as Pacifica California, and Albany New York. People young and old, from different walks of life. People heterosexual and homosexual. Yes, it was the people who made this wedding perfect - and it was the Love.
People sharing their love. People feeling their love. People who might be reluctant to love a stranger at any other time, were sharing love. Love was felt, it was shared, it was lifted.
This is what makes a wedding perfect. People and love. I write in celebration of love today - in all its forms. May it always serve to lift and nurture. May it always allow people who are strangers to become friends. May it always be so.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Samaritan Woman Set Free
I have been thinking lately about the Samaritan Woman of John's Gospel in the Christian Testament. Years ago I was trained by a very dear friend and Spiritual Director, Sr. Judy Rinek SNJM, in leading a one-to-one directed retreat on this misunderstood woman. (Note: It is an amazing spiritual retreat experience written by another dear friend and Spiritual Director, Almita Bey-Carrion of Gardnerville, Nevada. I will save that blog for another day.)
Returning to the Samaritan Woman - we don't know much about her, not even her true name. What we do know about her is that she was walking to Jacob's Well alone, at midday. An unusual occurrence for a woman in the communally-focused towns of ancient Samaria. So, we assume she is outcast from her community for some reason.
This nameless woman, walking alone, meets Jesus suddenly and unexpectedly at the Well. Jesus greets her and pretty quickly tells her that she has had many men in her life. She does not deny this abrupt statement from the stranger. We the reader have been led to believe, in Bible study discussions and countless sermons preached from the pulpit, that this was a shameful characteristic for a woman of this time. This gets me thinking about shame and the damaging way shame acts in a person's psyche and in a life.
John Bradshaw writes in his classic book on shame and recovery, Healing the Shame that Binds You (HCI, Deerfield Beach, FL, 1988), "...(With shame) What I feel is emptiness and exposure. I have no boundaries and therefore no protection. I must run and hide. But I feel like there is no place to hide since I am totally exposed...I am alone in the most complete way." He goes on to explain that because of this reaction to shame, we create "various layers of protection that we use to create our defenses against the core agony of shame. Each layer is progressively less conscious. The deepest layers-our ego defenses, family system roles and scripts-are automatic and unconscious."
The nameless Samaritan Woman seemed to be in this space of shame and personal defensiveness when she encounters Jesus at the ancient village well. And, what we discover in the Gospel (John 4:7-30) is that she could not hide from Him who knows everything.
Now, I do not believe that Jesus exposed her there on that hilltop in a malicious, accusatory way. I do not believe that was his intent. In order to set the Samaritan woman's spirit free from her shame, from the unconscious ego defenses she had built up to cope with the internalized shame she felt, Jesus had to let her know in a very powerful way that he knew her; that there was no hiding who she truly was deep inside. And, indeed his words had a powerful effect on this unsuspecting, yet curious-to-know-more woman.
Jesus knew the Samaritan Woman's true desires. He knew her true spirit. And, he offered her the satisfying drink of Living Water which would quench her deepest thirst. The thirst to be loved unconditionally. It is a thirst I share with her. I believe we all share that thirst at some level. It is a basic human need to be loved. The Samaritan Woman at the Well wasted no time in enthusiastically accepting this generous offer from the prophetic stranger, even though she did not yet understand its full significance.
So, the woman who just moments before approached the well on the hill in isolation, with (what I imagine was) a sense of discontent, loneliness, separateness, shame, dissatisfaction with her life, and possibly fear of the Hebrew man sitting by the well, was transformed by the brief encounter. She arrived at the well tentative and full of shame. She left the well full of anticipation and excitement, with a feeling of liberation, freedom, forgiveness and love. Her Spirit had been Set Free.
She left that hill to fearlessly, breathlessly run and share with her townspeople the Good News she had heard, and tell them of the presence of a prophet among them. No longer shamed and fearful was she, but filled with love and hope.
What a wonderful experience of exuberance and renewal of life. What a wonderful experience of being loved, valued and heard. What a wonderful experience of discovering her life's purpose and spiritual destiny. That is the Samaritan Woman's experience. That can be our experience as well.
I encourage you to Set your Spirit Free today by meditating on the words of Jesus: "...those who drink from the water that I will give them will never be thirsty. The water that I will give will become in them a spring of water gushing up to eternal life." (John 4:14, NRSV).
Returning to the Samaritan Woman - we don't know much about her, not even her true name. What we do know about her is that she was walking to Jacob's Well alone, at midday. An unusual occurrence for a woman in the communally-focused towns of ancient Samaria. So, we assume she is outcast from her community for some reason.
This nameless woman, walking alone, meets Jesus suddenly and unexpectedly at the Well. Jesus greets her and pretty quickly tells her that she has had many men in her life. She does not deny this abrupt statement from the stranger. We the reader have been led to believe, in Bible study discussions and countless sermons preached from the pulpit, that this was a shameful characteristic for a woman of this time. This gets me thinking about shame and the damaging way shame acts in a person's psyche and in a life.
John Bradshaw writes in his classic book on shame and recovery, Healing the Shame that Binds You (HCI, Deerfield Beach, FL, 1988), "...(With shame) What I feel is emptiness and exposure. I have no boundaries and therefore no protection. I must run and hide. But I feel like there is no place to hide since I am totally exposed...I am alone in the most complete way." He goes on to explain that because of this reaction to shame, we create "various layers of protection that we use to create our defenses against the core agony of shame. Each layer is progressively less conscious. The deepest layers-our ego defenses, family system roles and scripts-are automatic and unconscious."
The nameless Samaritan Woman seemed to be in this space of shame and personal defensiveness when she encounters Jesus at the ancient village well. And, what we discover in the Gospel (John 4:7-30) is that she could not hide from Him who knows everything.
Now, I do not believe that Jesus exposed her there on that hilltop in a malicious, accusatory way. I do not believe that was his intent. In order to set the Samaritan woman's spirit free from her shame, from the unconscious ego defenses she had built up to cope with the internalized shame she felt, Jesus had to let her know in a very powerful way that he knew her; that there was no hiding who she truly was deep inside. And, indeed his words had a powerful effect on this unsuspecting, yet curious-to-know-more woman.
Jesus knew the Samaritan Woman's true desires. He knew her true spirit. And, he offered her the satisfying drink of Living Water which would quench her deepest thirst. The thirst to be loved unconditionally. It is a thirst I share with her. I believe we all share that thirst at some level. It is a basic human need to be loved. The Samaritan Woman at the Well wasted no time in enthusiastically accepting this generous offer from the prophetic stranger, even though she did not yet understand its full significance.
So, the woman who just moments before approached the well on the hill in isolation, with (what I imagine was) a sense of discontent, loneliness, separateness, shame, dissatisfaction with her life, and possibly fear of the Hebrew man sitting by the well, was transformed by the brief encounter. She arrived at the well tentative and full of shame. She left the well full of anticipation and excitement, with a feeling of liberation, freedom, forgiveness and love. Her Spirit had been Set Free.
She left that hill to fearlessly, breathlessly run and share with her townspeople the Good News she had heard, and tell them of the presence of a prophet among them. No longer shamed and fearful was she, but filled with love and hope.
What a wonderful experience of exuberance and renewal of life. What a wonderful experience of being loved, valued and heard. What a wonderful experience of discovering her life's purpose and spiritual destiny. That is the Samaritan Woman's experience. That can be our experience as well.
I encourage you to Set your Spirit Free today by meditating on the words of Jesus: "...those who drink from the water that I will give them will never be thirsty. The water that I will give will become in them a spring of water gushing up to eternal life." (John 4:14, NRSV).
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